Just using alternative facts....

"We've exceeded industry benchmarks" (but refuse to give any figures)

CEO - "We are … hard at work changing the way we work." (I f-ed everything up but its everyone else's fault)

"We want to encourage early adopters of agents to bring their own tools," , acknowledging this technology remains "nascent." (we have no idea how bad this idea is)

"Results reflect short-term changes observed during these timeframes and may not be indicative of long-term usage trends." (our product is actually still shit)